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steveo
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Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels.

Clerks

Connor: The rule of thumb here is...

Rosengurtie: Rule of thumb? Wait, rule of thumb? In the early 1900s it was legal for men to beat their wives, so long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb.

Connor: Well, can't do much damage with that then can ya? Maybe it should have been a rule of wrist.

Boondock Saints

Edited by RAGDOLL MX
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Escelator temporarily out of order, Sorry for the convenience

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

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More Mitch:

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just cannot imagine a scenario where I must prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I got the documentation right here. Oh wait, its back home in the file. Under D. For Doughnut."

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I would like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks, because it would be so darn literal! finally, it would be used for its inteded purpose! this machine has been misunderstood for years!

i got an ant farm, them fkers didnt grow sht! plus, if i tore thier legs off, they would look like snowmen.

i like to drink red wine, a girl asked me, doesnt that give you a headache? i said eventually. but the first and the middle part are great. why would i stop doing something because i didnt like the last part?

last weekend i helped a freind stay put, its a lot easier than helping someone move. i just went over to his house and made sure he didnt load anything into a truck.

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i went over to thier house and loaded theyre car onto thier trailor because they are my freinds

don is a closet english teacher king e before i except for like 12000 exceptions. theyre, i said it

Edited by dnchevyman
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It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Now it places the lotion in the basket.

It places the lotion in the basket.

Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!

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It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Now it places the lotion in the basket.

It places the lotion in the basket.

Put the f***ing lotion in the basket!

yeaa joe dirt

life's a garden, DIG IT

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A couple of my favorites:

"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to."

or.....

"Bear... bearfugger, do you need assistance?"

or.....

".....no matter where you go, there you are."

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