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Coles Corner: useless posts for when you're bored


RAGDOLL MX
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  • 2 weeks later...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are

>> things people actually said in court, word for word, Taken down and

now

>> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm

while

>> these exchanges were actually taking place.

>>

>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

>> __________________________________________________ __________________

>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

>> __________ ____________________________

>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all

?

>> WITNESS: Yes.

>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

>> WITNESS: I forget.

>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

>> forgot?

>> _____________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

>> morning?

>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

>> WITNESS: My name is Susan!

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

>> voodoo?

>> WITNESS: We both do.

>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

>> WITNESS: We do.

>> ATTORNEY: You do?

>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

>>

>> _____________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

>> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

>> ____________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

>> ________________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

>> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

>> WITNESS: Yes.

>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

>> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

>> ____ __________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

>> WITNESS: ; Yes.

>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

>> WITNESS: None.

>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

>> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a

different

>> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

>> WITNESS: By death.

>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

>> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

>> WITNESS: Guess.

>> _____________________________ ________

>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition

>> notice which I sent t o your attorney?

>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on

dead

>> people?

>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would

you

>> like to rephrase that?

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you

go

>> to?

>> WITNESS: Oral.

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

>> ATTORNEY: And M r. Denton was dead at the time?

>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was

doing

>> an autopsy on him!

>> ____________________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

>> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

>> ______________________________________

>> And the best for last:

>> ______________________________________

>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check

for a

>> pulse?

>> WITNESS: No.

>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

>> WITNESS: No.

>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

>> WITNESS: No.

>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when

you

>> began the autopsy?

>> WITNESS: &n bsp; No.

>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

>> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

>> nevertheless?

>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

>> practicing law.

Capt

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