Richard Cheese Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 I used to bounce at a few bars around Bakersfield in my early 20's. At this point, I was bouncing at the Black Angus. The DJ was having car problems, and asked me for a ride. It was no big deal, as it wasn't out of the way to pick him up. However, he lived in a neighborhood known as Oildale, at the time. Oildale has the reputation for being meth lab capital of Kern County, as well as a blue collar area. We also have a lot of oil fields around bako, hence the name oildale. anyway, i digress. I go to pick him up, and we are running hella late. As he comes out of his house, and gets in my car, his across the street neighbor, who works in the oil fields, pulls up in a giant A- Frame truck, a 5500 chassis, with a boom on the back. My friend tells me to watch what happens next. I inform him that we are going to be late. He tells me it will be worth it. Anyway, the guy sits in his truck for a couple of minutes, just staring out the windshield. He finally opens the door, and falls flat out on his face, about a 4 ft drop. He kind of starts crawling toward the front tire, and at this point, I can tell that he is hammered drunk. He gets his hands on the tire, pulls himself up, and starts patting himself down. he finally pulls a pack of smokes out of his greasy coveralls, puts one in his mouth, backwards, searches the same way for a lighter, and lights the wrong end of his smoke. He takes a couple of drags, and the filter starts to flame up, and catches his hair on fire to which he responds by open hand slapping his head. Finally, the fire is out and he begins to walk up to his house. he is all over the yard, and into the flowerbeds, due to his intoxication, and can barely walk, let alone drive oil field machinery. He gets to the porch, and I don't know how, but negotiates the steps, and gets to the front door. This house had a cooler, so there was a screen door on the front door, while the actual front door was open, to allow the cooler to work properly. He opens the door, walks in, and in 5 4 3 2 1..........you hear his wife/girlfriend, whatever she was start yelling at him. "You %$#$$$$#$43 A$$hole, we have 4 kids, and all you do is get drunk. You worthless $$##$#$$$%$$54 son of a %$###$. " etc etc Here he comes back out the front door, and flings the screen door wide open. As he gets to the porch steps, he slows down, I guess to attempt the steps. As the screen door begins to close, a huge spaghetti boiling pot comes sailing out the front door, and smacks him in the back of the head, as he attempts to place his foot on the first step. This knocks him forward, again, face first, onto the sidewalk. He crawls to the nearest tree, pulls himself up, and continues to stumble to the side of his truck, does the whole smoke routine again, but gets it done right this time, and yells into the house, " Yeah you #$%#ing biotch, I'm an A$$#$#? I was gonna take you to da Sizzler, biotch, but now I'm an A$$$%$$!" needless to say, we were late. HOwever, upon hearing the above story, our manager let us slide that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EY3BA11 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Funniest thing i got to see today was a girl running after her bike.. We stopped at the Dry lake bed for some photo opportunity's and the girl was getting her bike warmed up so ragdoll could ride it.. she blipped the throttle adn teh bike just took off she stood there in awe.. then realised ohh damn there goes my bike and started running after it... Was pretty hilarious.. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptorgirl Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I used to bounce at a few bars around Bakersfield in my early 20's. At this point, I was bouncing at the Black Angus. The DJ was having car problems, and asked me for a ride. It was no big deal, as it wasn't out of the way to pick him up. However, he lived in a neighborhood known as Oildale, at the time. Oildale has the reputation for being meth lab capital of Kern County, as well as a blue collar area. We also have a lot of oil fields around bako, hence the name oildale. anyway, i digress. I go to pick him up, and we are running hella late. As he comes out of his house, and gets in my car, his across the street neighbor, who works in the oil fields, pulls up in a giant A- Frame truck, a 5500 chassis, with a boom on the back. My friend tells me to watch what happens next. I inform him that we are going to be late. He tells me it will be worth it. Anyway, the guy sits in his truck for a couple of minutes, just staring out the windshield. He finally opens the door, and falls flat out on his face, about a 4 ft drop. He kind of starts crawling toward the front tire, and at this point, I can tell that he is hammered drunk. He gets his hands on the tire, pulls himself up, and starts patting himself down. he finally pulls a pack of smokes out of his greasy coveralls, puts one in his mouth, backwards, searches the same way for a lighter, and lights the wrong end of his smoke. He takes a couple of drags, and the filter starts to flame up, and catches his hair on fire to which he responds by open hand slapping his head. Finally, the fire is out and he begins to walk up to his house. he is all over the yard, and into the flowerbeds, due to his intoxication, and can barely walk, let alone drive oil field machinery. He gets to the porch, and I don't know how, but negotiates the steps, and gets to the front door. This house had a cooler, so there was a screen door on the front door, while the actual front door was open, to allow the cooler to work properly. He opens the door, walks in, and in 5 4 3 2 1..........you hear his wife/girlfriend, whatever she was start yelling at him. "You %$#$$$$#$43 A$$hole, we have 4 kids, and all you do is get drunk. You worthless $$##$#$$$%$$54 son of a %$###$. " etc etc Here he comes back out the front door, and flings the screen door wide open. As he gets to the porch steps, he slows down, I guess to attempt the steps. As the screen door begins to close, a huge spaghetti boiling pot comes sailing out the front door, and smacks him in the back of the head, as he attempts to place his foot on the first step. This knocks him forward, again, face first, onto the sidewalk. He crawls to the nearest tree, pulls himself up, and continues to stumble to the side of his truck, does the whole smoke routine again, but gets it done right this time, and yells into the house, " Yeah you #$%#ing biotch, I'm an A$$#$#? I was gonna take you to da Sizzler, biotch, but now I'm an A$$$%$$!" needless to say, we were late. HOwever, upon hearing the above story, our manager let us slide that night. Drive through any Oildale neighborhood on a Friday or Saturday night any sit back and watch the free entertainment. Or accordining to my husband he gets free entertainment every morning when he has to drive through it on his way to work, he says it's hard to keep track which thing to watch. You might have the toothless couple fighting on one corner and guys passing a pipe on another corner any some chick showing her stuff for money on the other corner. Great stuff there!! haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGDOLL MX Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 that was pretty dam funny.. "where is the friggin camera?!?!?!?" it just took off, and said see ya beotch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptorgirl Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Wow not sure what happened there, I swear I didn't do it on purpose. My husband actually started carrying his camera with him all the time now just for that reason. You never know when you might see that "kodak moment". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kens Colors Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If we had grossest thing you ever witnessed. I could tell a long winded tale of what I saw at Dumont........hmm It might have been halloween trip. Arrgh making me gag just thinking about it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunefreak Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If we had grossest thing you ever witnessed. I could tell a long winded tale of what I saw at Dumont........hmm It might have been halloween trip. Arrgh making me gag just thinking about it It was funny too, tell it, tell it! :jester: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGDOLL MX Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 cmon ken, tell it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunefreak Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 yeah...COME ONNNNNNNNNN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EY3BA11 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 The dumont rumors i heard... there was a pink elephant involved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunefreak Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 The dumont rumors i heard... there was a pink elephant involved Nope, that's not the story he's talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EY3BA11 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 That one is still just as disturbing!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barefoot bob Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 well i hope this counts i didnt see it happen but my buddy did and ive seen the car and the pics this is for real and ive even met and talked to the new owner and ill bet some of you have sen the car at dumont here it goes a couple wants to get into duning they go large right off the bat go to eyeball fabrication and order a 50,000.00 dollar sand car bright yellow ls1 biult the way they want it .so as with most eyeball cars you go out on the maiden voyage with the owner. he likes to park on the brawley side of the aquaduct this particular trip he was there but not on near the road. Hence no fence !! so this couple get in there new buggy on the maiden voyage fire it up look at the hill in front of them husband gunz it up the hilll and SPLASH right into the aquaduct UPSIDE DOWN. they get out everyone is shook up but safe and sound. wife tells husband dont even bring it home drop it back a eyeball and have Chris sell it. he did :mc_smiley: .................................................... i see it at dumont every now and again its yellow and you can spot it cause on the right rear wing there is the eyeball characture painted on it with a scuba mask swimming its hilarious if you see it ask him he will tell you the story to lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barefoot bob Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 (edited) another one i did see im coming back from comp hill @ dumont its dark im on the dunes to the right if your facing comp from camp in the lil valley playing on the hills i look to my right and there is a quad motoring about 20 mph no rider !!! i swooped down and let it run into the back of my rear tire and killed it a minute or so later here comes this guy panting for air he was running after hi mighty steed and looked pretty tired he half whispered his thanks through the oanting and off he went a real topper of a hoot is if this person is a ddr member. it happened last season :mc_smiley: also we have a banshee thats posessed we took out i think it was the second time my wife ever rode it well she turned goosed it in second it through her off. the bike takes off about 20 feet and stops its still idling she somehow hit nuetral on her way off. that is so so funny but wait she did it again !! were at dumont she gets carried away and goes over comp she lands gets piched from the bike she tumbles tumbles tumbles stops jumps up like a comptetitore throws her arms in the air says im ok im ok to the people who were on the other side what does the banshee do it fell into nuetral rolled down down down down stopped right side up idling !!! :mc_smiley: keep in mind she was probably doing about 10 mph so there was no big jumping action just a lil hop but scary non the less Edited January 22, 2007 by barefoot bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGDOLL MX Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 i USED to own some watercraft, one of them being a I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - x2 Kawi, and it ran pretty good, then i had a 550 standup, that was apparently alergic to water, my wife and i decided to take them out in the middle of January with wet suits and all. so we get to riding, and then my 550 went belly up....the I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - x2 feeling lonley decided to take a dirt nap as well, so my wife and I are about 500 yards off shore trying to paddle to shore and hold on to the two Titanics that I own, and finally i told her forget it...let it go, she did, the 550 went to the bottom of lake meade, as we swam to the shore the I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - x2 was getting heavier (mainly in part to its lack of bouancy). finally we let go of the I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - I have nothing worth adding to this post!! - x2 and it joined its brother at the bottom of the lake. there they rest, while my wife and I finished our swim to shore, and we went home with an empty trailer. Told BLM about the skis, and they said good luck getting them. they are now considered land marks.... thats when i decided if something sinks...it will be in the sand..something retreiveable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulyPaul Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Cole that is some funny sh*t... :dance: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinicolady Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 O.K., picture this....Beautiful day on the lake. Cruising along in the bro-in-laws' boat, he's pulling his wife Shelley and her friend Pat behind the boat on tubes. Everything's going great, swoops around and the two of them hit the wake. Shelley gets launched from her tube, flips thru the air probably 4 to 5 times and does a PERFECT landing on the other tube with Pat! Even the best stuntman could not have pulled that off. This was like 11 years ago and I still laugh everytime I tell it and still regret the video camera was not along for the ride!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Cheese Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 I did my brother's bachelor party over @ pismo beach in the dunes. we had about 30 or so guys there in camp, most of them not riding, just getting hella drunk. My friend just got an 85 ATC 250R that was in prestine condition for like 500 bucks (the previous owner was a tweeker, and needed a fix ). no scratches on the plastic, chrome everywhere on the engine. etc etc. two guys show up about 2 hours after everyone else got there. they ripped through a 30 pack on the drive from bako to pismo, about 130 miles Then they drank even more for about 2 more hours. One of them, who was sitting down at the time, gets up out of his chair, and does the drunk stumbling move I like to call the chicken dance (think of how sore your legs are after you've ridden, and you try to walk...that is one version of the chicken dance). He pulls it off without falling down, and asks my friend if he can ride his 250r around camp. My friend, being a real easy-going guy, who also didn't see the beer bottles fall out of this guys truck when he arrived, says, " you know how to ride it?" ......."oh yeah, ive ridden several times." gives him the key, and starts on the first kick. drunk dude is whirling around camp a couple times. We are all sitting down, facing the beach, watching the riders, and girls in bikini's when we hear drunk dude on the 250 R.....WANNNNNG WAANAAAANNG............FFFFFFFFPPPPPT......brbrbrbr and right in front of us, wheelying down the beach is the 250R...with no pilot We look around where the bike came from, and there is drunk dude, on his ARSE He ended up busting the rear plastic on the bike. he was ok, and went back to doing what he does best....drinking.... my friend was bent, and to this day, still hasn't got any money out of drunk dude to pay for it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptorgirl Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 A few years ago my husband wanted to buy a street bike so he saved and saved and I gave him the money I had saved to do patio work in the back yard just to make him happy and get him what he wanted. He was so excited so we ran right out got the bike. Well during the next few weeks his cousin comes over several times admiring the bike because by this time my husband has made several modifications, pipes, etc. So my husband being all trusting and all asks his cousin "would you like to ride it?" cousin happily excepts and reafirms "I used to ride all the time and I'll just go around the block" so hubby hands him the key and goes over gear ratio with him and off he goes....only to crash all the way across the street!! He didn't even make it 2 doors down.. Anyway he did pay for the damage which was $1100. And then a couple months after that he pulled out onto one of the busiest highways in Bakersfield (Taft Hwy) during 5:30pm traffic right into the path of a car going 65mph and got t-boned, totaled the truck and the other car but both drivers ok. Last summer he met us over at Pismo for some riding (he has a ATC 250) him and my husband and my 14 yr old son go riding and he attempts a steep hill after seeing my son go up no problem, so he thought anyway.. the front pulled up and he puts his foot down and the bike eats his leg and he's laying there in pain cursing at the bike and my son and husband are laughing because that is just his luck so my son gets on the Atc and they give the quad to the cousin to ride back and by now he is pissed at the bike and pissed that a 14 yr old had to show him how to ride his own bike up a hill and tell him never put your foot down! We now call him "Shleprock" or "Crash". And we don't let him behind the wheel of any of our cars or atvs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGDOLL MX Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 a couple of years ago i used to road race street bikes out at Willow Springs. Well at the time i used to own a 79 Ford Bronco, and i have had that Bronco for several years, I used to take the shell off all of the time, especially around here. Well since i took it off all of the time. I never bolted it down, as a matter of fact i drove from FT Benning Ga to Vegas just like that. Well anyway, i was coming back from Willow Springs and it was the middle of winter, sorta raining and hella cold, well anyway, iam trucking down the highway, trying to pass some Semi that is being a Turd, and my dirvers and passenger door windows were somewhat down. well as i started to finally pass the semi, i suddenly felt this huge rush of air and see trash flying around as if i was in a tornado. I was wondering why it was suddenly brighter in the cab of my all black Bronco...hmmmmm well as i looked back behind me and up, i see what was previously the attached camper shell. Not behind me i might add....above me about 75 ft...and climbing..right there it reminded me of watching the Military Channel, and watching Pilots eject from their plane...it looked like a canopy to a F16 Fighter as it took flight higher and higher. I actually had time to slow down and pull over and watch the shell plummet to the earth below, as it took flight and decent, the traffic behind me had come to a rather abrupt stop, with the sound of skidding tires and and the smell of burning rubber and the frightfull looks. The Bronco shell came down like a peice of paper, flipping and flopping through the air to the ground, it breifly looked as if my shell could have been recovered, suddenly to my suprise....it came to rest on the corner in the median....then it went from 1 peice to several.....needless to say i drove the rest of the way home with no shell, cold, wet and still didnt pass that dam semi!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Cheese Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 a couple of years ago i used to road race street bikes out at Willow Springs. Well at the time i used to own a 79 Ford Bronco, and i have had that Bronco for several years, I used to take the shell off all of the time, especially around here. Well since i took it off all of the time. I never bolted it down, as a matter of fact i drove from FT Benning Ga to Vegas just like that. Well anyway, i was coming back from Willow Springs and it was the middle of winter, sorta raining and hella cold, well anyway, iam trucking down the highway, trying to pass some Semi that is being a Turd, and my dirvers and passenger door windows were somewhat down. well as i started to finally pass the semi, i suddenly felt this huge rush of air and see trash flying around as if i was in a tornado. I was wondering why it was suddenly brighter in the cab of my all black Bronco...hmmmmm well as i looked back behind me and up, i see what was previously the attached camper shell. Not behind me i might add....above me about 75 ft...and climbing..right there it reminded me of watching the Military Channel, and watching Pilots eject from their plane...it looked like a canopy to a F16 Fighter as it took flight higher and higher. I actually had time to slow down and pull over and watch the shell plummet to the earth below, as it took flight and decent, the traffic behind me had come to a rather abrupt stop, with the sound of skidding tires and and the smell of burning rubber and the frightfull looks. The Bronco shell came down like a peice of paper, flipping and flopping through the air to the ground, it breifly looked as if my shell could have been recovered, suddenly to my suprise....it came to rest on the corner in the median....then it went from 1 peice to several.....needless to say i drove the rest of the way home with no shell, cold, wet and still didnt pass that dam semi!!!!! :mc_smiley: sorry to laugh at your bad luck, but that is funny!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAGDOLL MX Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 its still funny to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckharrisjr Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 kenny poops when he co rides in a rail..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Cheese Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 : When I was single, my friend and I met these two girls. They seemed nice, and were pretty good looking too, to top it off. anyway, we all went on a group date together, and had a great time. So, the girls suggest that we seperate and go out as couples, which we did. I took my date to the movies, and a club, while my friend took his date out to dinner, and some drinks. anyway, after the club, my date suggests that we grab a couple 12 packs and go to the lake and "hang out" So there we are, at the lake, and the casual touching and hugging turn into heavy petting, and it starts lookin more like , when she starts talking to herself To this day, I cannot figure this one out. Apparently, she had some "mental problems" and thought I called her a derrogatory name for a female that begins with C, and she proceeds to grab the second unopened 12 pack, and does the discus throw into the lake!!!! Im like, WTF is going on???? Anyway, I am trying to calm her down, and she starts hitting me. She jabs me in the face, then a sucker punch in the gut...and the next thing I know, I'm gettin my a$$ kicked by a mentaly disturbed girl Well, after blocking the next 4 or so punches, I realized that I needed to end this NOW, and threw an uppercut, which connected with her chin. I am not sh*tting you when I tell you that her heals left the ground, and that pretty much incapacitated her. I felt bad, but what else could I do??? anyway, I just drove off, and left her out there. I get home and my buddy had left a message on my answering machine. it seems that after dinner, they went to a party, where she stole his wallet, and left with some other guy talk about too good to be true!!!! the funny part was, the next day, with a black eye , I go back out to the lake, and recon my beer, and was wasted by 10 am Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptorgirl Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 Maybe they were from Oildale too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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